By Cameron Sheath

It’s Monday again, and after being ridiculed for days after losing to League 2 Fleetwood Town in the League Cup, Arsenal beat Liverpool at Anfield yesterday afternoon and are back to being unbearable, cheating c*nts.

[Smugly sips tea]

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

I try to stay offline as much as possible, but the amount of sport I watch and cover makes that very difficult, and so I’ve seen a lot of the reaction to Arsenal’s win on Sunday. Whilst there are those whose faux outrage is a fairly obvious attempt to farm engagement, there are many people whose anger at Arsenal, Arsenal players, Mikel Arteta, Arteta’s tactics, and Arsenal’s perceived cheating seems quite genuine.

I’m well aware that the algorithm-led nature of social media means that we are all viewing the world through different lenses, and that we are all being brainwashed, mostly intentionally, by the Billionaire tech terrorists than run the world. That being said, the things that happen on a football pitch objectively happen, and I find it incredible that the game can be viewed so completely differently across the board.

To me, as someone who watches Arsenal a lot, the idea that my team gets preferential treatment from officials at either pitch or association level is something I find laughable. In preparation for this season, the Premier League, along with ProRef, introduced rules to clamp down on both time-wasting and physicality on set-pieces, two things that Arsenal were regularly accused of abusing in their title-winning season last year.

Arteta, who also gets more than his fair share of attention from officials, has even noted that the team’s approach to set-pieces has had to change because of the new rules. Two seasons ago, when the league ‘clamped down’ on players kicking the ball away after a foul was given, they did so just long enough to issue red cards to both Declan Rice and Leandro Trossard.

Arsenal were winning both of those games when the cards were issued, and went on to draw both, against Brighton and Manchester City, respectively. Needless to say, by the end of September, officials just stopped bothering with the whole thing. Thanks, guys.

Even just this past week, Max Dowman’s three-match ban was upheld for his red card against Fleetwood. I’ve already given my thoughts on the sending off, which I think was fair enough. However, Cole Palmer was free to play, and score, against Man United on Saturday because he was only sent off for two red-card offences the previous weekend, rather than just one. Leniency from both on-field and off-field officials for that reaction. Nothing to see here.

We could all go on about referees forever, but my point is that every fanbase, in their own tunneled vision of the game, thinks their team is hard done by. But in reality, it’s just us.

Boring, Boring, Arsenal

For a game with only one goal, I think the match at Anfield lived up to the hype. Arsenal went to perhaps the trickiest place in the league and came away with three points against their closet legitimate title rival. For all the noise about Arsenal’s style of play, when they needed a goal, they played Liverpool off the pitch and got their reward.

It’s ironic in a way that the most boring part about watching Arteta’s ‘boring’ Arsenal team is the coverage offered by the entertainment company licensed to show it. I love that Rice swiftly shut down a post-match question about the significance of the result on the ‘title race’.

When did a match between two huge teams with an incredible history and rivalry need a sub-plot to be interesting? Just fuck off and talk about the actual game that just happened, rather than requesting that the game’s best player also provide you with tomorrow’s content.

I admire the patience of players in those situations. No-doubt completely shattered from 90+ minutes of non-stop box-to-box running, covered in mud and sweat, grass stuck up your ass from a slide-tackle you made half an hour ago, and some squeaky-clean guy in a shirt asks you a braindead question like that.

But at least we didn’t have to listen to Darren Fletcher on TNT Sports, which was definitely the worst thing to happen to United fans this weekend. I used to like ‘Fletch’ when he started commentating, but he’s gotten way too comfortable throwing his opinions around and now gives out more tactical and footballing analysis than the two footballing icons he sits next to on matchdays.

Anyway, considering I had no idea where this one was going when I sat down, I’m pleasantly surprised to have been able to bring it full circle, starting and ending on unbearable c*nts.

It appears I’m in a mood to rant to myself for the rest of the evening, so I’ll leave this one here and instead make myself useful in the kitchen by placing things in the oven until they’re hot, and then removing them. The men are in action in midweek, so there’ll be content around that game, before another big weekend for both sides in their respective leagues. Ciao!